Thursday, July 17, 2008

Depression

I dropped 3KGS in less than one week.

I don't know to be happy or sad, cos i'm feeling so weak & lethargic right now.

I was on leave for 3 days & i just came back to work today.

So much things happened these few days...

I brought Raeann for a swim at the sport complex opposite my house on Saturday evening. :)

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She was scare but she still want to play. She kept hitting the water until her whole face was wet. The water was damn cold & thus i bring her up after a short while.

I don't know what happen to me on Sunday. I kept crying & crying for nothing. Than i packed my clothes and left home. I don't know what i want & i don't know what am i doing. I made my mum very worried about me. I'm so sorry.

I knew i had depression.

Mummy brought me to see a psychiatrist on Monday located at Mount Elizabeth. The bill came up to $310, fucking expensive. And i must go every 2 weeks for 6 months. -_-"

How serious it can get.

In fact, my depression started when i was pregnant. After so many 'blows' & husband did not show any concern at all. Than after birth, it got worsen after doing a lousy confinement at in law's place. Now, facing divorce, worsen x 10.

I need to take 5 types of medicines everyday. And this 5 types of medicines made me so drowsy & sleepy. I think it's the motive of the medicine. Sleep; so that i won't think so much.

Baby Raeann accompanied me through these few days. When i sleep, she sleeps with me. :) I'm so happy to see her. My family have been always there, giving the best support when i most needed it now.

I brought Raeann to collect my Swarovski hp charm at VivoCity alone on Tuesday. I was power, isn't it? I carried her all the way. We went to Haage-Daz cafe for some ice-cream waffles. Than to Toy'r us to get her some toys. She sat inside the trolley, holding on both edges, scare that she will fall & looking after the bags. So adorable! Aftermath, we went to pack some food & we cabbed home.

We both slept from 6pm till 9pm after we bathe & settled ourselves. She doesn't want to wake up lor, she was so tired. But i woke her up cos i need to change her pamper. She went to play with my parents for awhile and we went back to zzz at 11pm. LOL

Yesterday morning, dad helped out to look after Raeann while i went to court. Mummy was with me all the while cos my whole body was ... strength-less. She spoke to ZY and i think he's mistaken that he will be fine or jailed if i get the PPO. Well, he will only be charged if he hit me again after i get the PPO.

But anyway, i withdrew the charge, as promised. I'm too tired to fight & argue anymore. I just walked off after that, without taking a look at him. I changed my handphone number too. Cos i don't want to get in any contacts with him anymore, neither i want to see him again.

I actually pleaded with him during my depression mode, which is so not me. What i can say is, for the sake of Raeann. When i bring her out, i see people with one family, i feel guilty towards her. I blamed myself for not giving her a complete family.

BUT, ZY gave me so many unreasonable terms and conditions and he said i must accept than he is willing to get back with me.

He knew i had depression & he said i was 'gei siao'.

And he smsed me not to disturb him when i was crying alone outside.

I will never ever forget & forgive him on this.

I'm not depressed anymore now. My mind is very calm & i know it VERY WELL that this stupid idiot is not a good husband at all.

HE is the one who caused my depression and HE is always not there when i needed him most.

Don't confuse my mind again, telling me to give him another chance, this & that. Cos, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

AI SEH. It's my first time getting so slim. I wonder how much slimmer i will get... I've to thank him cos he helped me to save the cost to slimming centre.

I'm still very drowsy now & i can't concentrate on doing anything at all.

Gtg people. Will blog again soon~ :)

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