Wednesday, November 5, 2008

So much things in mind...

I've fixed an appointment with doctor on Monday for an ********.

It was suppose to be last Saturday but doctor couldn't find the baby inside my womb and he suspected it was an ectopic pregnancy. So, i took the blood test last week, got my result & went for scanning today. I was confirmed 4 weeks & 1 day pregnant. -_-"

SIGH. WHY AM I SO FERTILE?!! ARGH

It doesn't seems a tough decision for me to make cos i'm assured that i want it this way. My previous pregnancy really leaves me a deep deep scar & phobia.

The fat-ness on me.
The out of shape figure.
The headache of no clothes to wear.
The stupid stretchmarks.
The horrible hospital stay.
The disgusting confinement.
The sleep-less nights.
etc etc etc...

There are far too much things that is stopping me from giving birth to another one.

Now that Raeann is 14 months old, and i'm finally more relax, isn't i stupid to give birth to another one to torture myself again just becos that family wants a baby boy? Cos ZY think it WILL BE a boy. SIAO.

What if it's a girl again, how? Am i going to go through all their nonsense treatments again?

NO NO NO.

Mummy asked me, 'Why that time u had Raeann you told me you didn't want to commit a sin thats why u want to give birth & now you want to abort?'

I replied, 'If i know giving birth & looking after a kid is such a torture, i also won't give birth to Raeann lor. I rather commit the sin.'

ZY promise this promise that again. It will end up to be empty promises anyway. Once bitten, twice shy. I'm won't be stupid for twice lor.

He keep forcing me to keep this baby. I told him, 'You all are the one who made me FEAR over pregnancy. Now you want to talk so much. NO means NO.'

This decision is final. Nothing can be said or done to change my mind. Byebye baby, pls come to me again in my next life when you've a better father.

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