Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What's wrong with blogger?

My blogger had once again cock up. I don't know why. I'm blogging in a small preview window only.

But i need to blog this out! Else i'll feel so uncomfortable.

Few hours ago, i had this sudden urge to study property & become a property agent. Knowing that my cousin had recently took the course, i called her.

My cousin is a very very capable lady. She doesn't come from a rich family but she's definately a rich woman now. She started her advertising company on her own. With nothing, till now, everything.

She's able to own a BMW 1 series now. I so envy her & i do once hope that i can be like her.

She said i've wasted my life away. Being able to get my driving licence at 18 & owning a car at 19, i could have achieve more than what i have now.

IT'S TRUE. I felt depressed.

I've always been very attached to my family. Whenever something happened in my family, i'll always be there. Say me KPO or whatever, i did so becos i love my parents.

But now, i feel like breaking free from everything. I don't want to get involved in anything anymore.

In fact, it's still not too late to start achieving my own goal now. But with little Raeann by my side, there isn't much that i can do. :(

There's no one who can help me take care of Raeann at all. How am i going to afford the time to do my own things? I didn't even have time to go out with my friends for a drink, party or whatever.

I'm not saying Raeann is my hindrance or burden, i don't find her one. In fact, she's my only joy & hope in my life. I've chosen this wrong path & i must accept it. Nobody else to blame except myself.

I'm lost now! I don't know what should i do? When i look back to my past, i can't do anything but to cry! I did not cry for quite some time already cos i always tell myself to 'look forward'. Is this the right attitude?

I don't want to sit in the office doing nothing, playing games & get busy at only certain months of the year anymore. I've never intend to do that. Are there any choices to let me choose?

I tried to do ALOT. But non gets really successful as there's no one to guide me at all. I started with my own research & opinion only. How i wish someone could be right there to teach me something meaningful & guide me through...

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