Wednesday, July 22, 2009
But i need to blog this out! Else i'll feel so uncomfortable.
Few hours ago, i had this sudden urge to study property & become a property agent. Knowing that my cousin had recently took the course, i called her.
My cousin is a very very capable lady. She doesn't come from a rich family but she's definately a rich woman now. She started her advertising company on her own. With nothing, till now, everything.
She's able to own a BMW 1 series now. I so envy her & i do once hope that i can be like her.
She said i've wasted my life away. Being able to get my driving licence at 18 & owning a car at 19, i could have achieve more than what i have now.
IT'S TRUE. I felt depressed.
I've always been very attached to my family. Whenever something happened in my family, i'll always be there. Say me KPO or whatever, i did so becos i love my parents.
But now, i feel like breaking free from everything. I don't want to get involved in anything anymore.
In fact, it's still not too late to start achieving my own goal now. But with little Raeann by my side, there isn't much that i can do. :(
There's no one who can help me take care of Raeann at all. How am i going to afford the time to do my own things? I didn't even have time to go out with my friends for a drink, party or whatever.
I'm not saying Raeann is my hindrance or burden, i don't find her one. In fact, she's my only joy & hope in my life. I've chosen this wrong path & i must accept it. Nobody else to blame except myself.
I'm lost now! I don't know what should i do? When i look back to my past, i can't do anything but to cry! I did not cry for quite some time already cos i always tell myself to 'look forward'. Is this the right attitude?
I don't want to sit in the office doing nothing, playing games & get busy at only certain months of the year anymore. I've never intend to do that. Are there any choices to let me choose?
I tried to do ALOT. But non gets really successful as there's no one to guide me at all. I started with my own research & opinion only. How i wish someone could be right there to teach me something meaningful & guide me through...
Yesterday i was so upset cos i scratched my bag against the wall and then the leather part is being scratched off. :( Although it's only a tiny mini little dot where nobody could actually notice but i felt so frustrated. Issit sign of depression again!? Or is god giving me an excuse to get a new bag? LOL
This morning, while driving to work, i saw people crossing the road, walking to their workplace with an umbrella, i think i've a rather good life. Thus, i should learn how to be contented. In fact, i'm very contented with what i have now even though i'm always complaining everytime. At least, i've a little Swifty to transport me around & i don't have to get myself wet on rainy weather. I can bring Raeann around conveniently without squeezing on public transport. :)
Although at times, i really hate to drive (Cos i'm like my sister's ahmad). Driving is quite a tedious task to me sometimes, especially when i'm very tired. I've to stay alert in order not to get into accident. And i extremely hate it when my car give me troubles! ARGH. Speaking about this, i need to send Swifty for service soon!
Aiya, driving to me is a love-hate relationship. And of cos if i can choose, i would rather be a passenger than to be a driver.
Ok, back to bag. I want a new bag! But i got no $$$!! Sigh
I've been spending ridiculously on FOOD these 2 months & always broke during the last 10 days of the month. I need to save up (for my lawyer fee) & diet! I'm getting fatter & fatter liao. Can't be help, the result of stuffing.
Today, i started my diet. YES! Support me!
Oh btw, yesterday Raeann wear cheongsum to school!! LOL Cos it's Racial Harmony Day mah.
It's very fitting for her now! Except that she must be gentle in her movements else she will fall!! LOL Training!!
Her hair! I'm so happy with the results. But end up, she dropped one ribbon! LOST! -__-"
Did i mention before that Raeann loves to wear heels? She hor, everyday also wear my heels to walk around. BTH her lor. Anyone knows where to get such a small size heels? I want to buy for her!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Thus on Saturday, i brought 2 babies out. I was super tired cos i slept only at 6am & i was waken up by Raeann at about 10am. Mahjong session with XS, scopion & chicken er er after Raeann sleep lor.
Initial plans was to go Safra Kbox for the afternoon session from 2pm-7pm. But when we reached there at around 2+pm, all the rooms are occupied & we've to wait till 5pm then got room for us. It was so BO HUA lor.. cos it's actually from 2pm-7pm but becos they have no rooms, they cut the timing from 2pm-5pm instead. And if we want, we only can sing from 5pm-7pm. -____-" OF COS we didn't want to wait/reserve.
I was thinking, since we've already parked in Safra, the parking is per hourly charge, might as well settle our late lunch there. Again, at Jack's place lor. The supervisor can recognise Raeann already! lol
After lunch, Raeann kept saying 'play ball ball, play ball ball' and dragged us to the indoor playground (Kidz Amaze) where we brought her to last time. She still can remember lor! She's super excited, stand outside the door dancing cos it was playing 'Womanizer' by Britney Spears. What a song?! She dare not go in until i asked her to... And she keep asking me to let her play...
Dancing inside Kidz Amaze happily.
But Bobo was wearing skirt & we did not bring socks so we forgo this idea. I told her i'll bring her there again, for sure.
Bobo keep 'niam kenging' (grumbling in hokkien) about me taking too long to prepare, if only i was like 5 mins earlier, we might be able to get a room, blah blah blah. And suddenly Taman Jurong Party World came to my mind! *blink*
And luckily we went there! Cos it's much cheaper than Kbox, we're able to get 20% discount with student pass (My sis is sec 4 student mah!), the room are much spacious, the drinks have more viarities & most importantly, the staffs are nice & friendly! :)
Raeann fell asleep inside the car after lunch for about 5 mins cos she refused to take her daily afternoon nap at 12pm. She was sleepy liao lor...
Trying to be happy despite being very sleepy... I looked very tired also. No choice, 4 hours of sleep only. :(
My sis. If you find her familiar, YES she appeared on TV (Don't Forget The Lyrics's trailer). OMG. She'll kill me for this! Haha
Look at the pose she strike!
I was super tired & sleepy & i've to hear Bobo sing all the way for 4 hours. Sigh. She not thirsty wan meh? And she claimed that becos i don't want to sing... Alamak! The moment she got in, she dedicate a total of 160 songs, how to sing? Plus, i've to look after Raeann as well, so i decided to let her sing lah. But but... Raeann did 'join' in during some of the songs! Haha
Thursday, July 16, 2009
First, came one teenage couple. The guy was in half uniform & he had lion king hairstyle so i guess he should be from ITE. The girl was in home clothes. They sat down and ordered their drinks.
Then suddenly the guy shouted to the aunt, "Aunty, 给我一个属毛!"
Aunty : HUH? 你要什么?
Guy : Eh.. eh.. 是属条!
We burst into laughter. Cos when he said, i was thinking, what on earth is 属毛? Issit a new kind of snack that i don't know? LOL
Then came 2 girls in uniform (paiseh i don't know which sec sch). They were tickling each other & laughing away. -___-"
So funny meh? I don't tickle my friends leh. So weird like that, bo tai bo chi suddenly go tickle each other.
After the dental check, went to pick Raeann and off to Jurong Point to meet up with Meiyi + Daphne, XS, Hamster + Ashlyn for dinner. Mummies outing, babies + kids gathering. LOL
The moment Raeann saw XS they all, she said, 'ACHE CHING mei mei'. Haha she can remember her name! And btw, she call XS - AH SHAN.
No pics at all cos everyone was busy with own kids. :) Anyway, Daphne & Ashlyn really resembles their daddy so much. Luckily Raeann don't, ah bo i really faint.
Anyway, these few days, i managed to 'talk' Raeann round into behaving herself well especially at outside. She's finally back to normal & able to sit down properly to eat with me like last time. And best thing is, she don't bo tai bo chi shout & scream anymore. *phewz* I really don't wish that all my efforts will go down the drain again. Sigh
Last night she was so funny lor...
We watched channel 55 together every night. The show ended at about 9.45pm. She go down the bed, off the TV & order me to go & sleep. Hahahahaha (My light is always off at 9pm but TV will still be on.) Then she gave me a peck on my cheek & said 'night night'. Utterly sweet. :)
While lying on the bed...
Me : What's your name?
Raeann : ANN. (She doesn't know how to say RAE yet.)
Me : No, it's Rae-ann.
Raeann : Re-ANN.
She will go to bed herself before 10 everyday and wake up at 7am every morning, even on weekends (at my place lah, at other's, i'm not sure). She's quite power de cos she can sleep within 3 mins. I'm glad she got this 早睡早起 habit. :)
That's my girl. I know she's into TERRIBLE 2 stage now (everybody told me so). But i believe with discipline, she will not go over the limit. It's up to individual.
Ah bo why some kids can tear down the whole restaurant when eating while some don't? Why some kids roll and cry on the floor if they're unable to get the things they want while some don't? It's the discipline & teaching by the adults lah. If you don't stop them & make them know they can't do that, they will never know that it's wrong to do so.
I'm still trying to change this stupid habit of Raeann - hitting people. I don't want her to grow up to be as violent as her 'good' dad, not happy, hit people. THIS IS WRONG!
If everyone not happy also can hit people, there will be chaos everywhere liao. There's no any reason to excuse people from using violent. Lame reasons are always, 'she/he force me to do so', 'i 忍无可忍 liao', 'she/he deserves it' & etc. Even if he/she deserves it, you also don't have the right to do so. 人在做, 天在看. God will punish those who deserve to be punished. There will be retributions wan, it's only a matter of time.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
So, after picking Raeann and Bobo, off we went to Sakae Sushi for dinner.
I decided to change my lawyer cos a friend intro me to a cheaper one this morning. I spoke to the lawyer earlier too. She's very funny, nice & friendly.
She told me, 2 weeks before my (3 yrs) marriage is due (24th March 10), i'll have to contact her & she'll get all the paperwork done for me. After that, i need to pass the divorce deed personally to Mr. Ho. I don't have to bother if he sign or not. He will have 8 days to consider. If he don't sign, engage lawyer to fight lor. And there's no need to fight for Raeann's custody at all cos under the woman's chapter, custody always go to the woman. And i should/can get alimony from him.
All these can be done for $2.5K. Consider cheap cos my previous one was $3+K. :)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Yesterday i suddenly had the urge to cut my fringe. And i cutted it during my lunch time just now! Hehe
I know i look quite cock. But who cares la?
As long as i feel happy can liao. I love myself mah. LOL
I also love my little girl as much. :)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
But, i really love these 2 songs of his;
1) You're not alone.
2) Heal the world.
I think the lyrics are really meaningful. :)
I watched the news this morning, many attended his memorial. I was kinda sad too. I'm that emotional lor. I'm reading it again on Yahoo! now. So touching. :(
R.I.P. M.J! You'll be remembered forever by your fans! I'll remember these 2 lovely songs of yours too!
Monday, July 6, 2009
ZY brought Raeann back to my place at around 3pm. I wanted to change her & bring her out. That's why i insist he bring her back instead of me picking her up. I'm afraid she'll stink with messy hair lah. She came back with cough & running nose this time round. :( I don't understand why. -___-"
Anyway, brought her to meet up with old friends. Initially wanted to watch Transformers de, but Raeann was toooooooooo noisy so decided to change plan lor. Brought her to the arcade and she dare to sit the merry-go-round le!!
Mahjong again at friend's place till around 10+pm & home we went. Raeann was very very sleepy liao. Me too! Raeann fell asleep immediately after i cleaned & changed her. I slept before 12am. That end my wonderful Saturday. Wonderful cos i get to see them again... :)
Went with mummy to meet up with aunt to Sembawang to settle some personal issue. Then sent aunt home @ Sengkang. FFFAAARRR lo!
On our way back, we decided to settle our early dinner first, thinking & thinking where & what to eat. I suddenly thought of Waraku @ ECP. Don't ask me why cos i had no idea either. I've never been to ECP Waraku before (only visited Kallang's branch once).
And guess what?
I saw chicken er er there @ 5pm! LOL
It's neither lunch nor dinner time yet. But it's such a coincidence that i can meet her there lo! Haha
Maybe it's fate?
I was so shock when i saw her. Then i asked her "why i so sway, here also able to meet u?" Wahahahhahaha
And she said it's my honour lor. Haha
Mummy & Bobo were commenting that the food are special & nice. But mine, i feel it's so-so only leh. Maybe i ordered the wrong one lah. Raeann was so noisy till i'm unable to concentrate on the menu.
Then chicken er er told me their chawamushi taste great! I'll go back there again lah. That's for sure.
Anyway, my spine/back's pain came back recently. I run out of the medicine already. :( I don't want to buy cos i don't wish to depend on it lah. I'm still so young, don't wish to be like an old ah ma, everyday taking pills. Sian. I will 'ren' until i really cannot take it then go & take the medicine again!
Aiyo... I'm still hesistating whether to do rebonding or cut my hair short short? My hair is very very messy now. How?
Replies to tagboard :
To zsmile: Thanks for your encouragement. I guess a leopard will never change it's spot. So i don't believe in giving chance anymore. Yeah lor. That's my ONLY hope is that Raeann don't ever be like him. So lazy, so violent, so 自大, etc etc.
To Wildboar: Hihi. Thanks for reading my complains. :) Don't get so agitated over him ok? Hehe I'm not angry at all. I gave up that's why i no longer have any feeling over all these shits. I knew that he no longer love me, that's why he lay his hands on me. That's one thing for sure. But it's ok. I don't bother anymore.
To E: Thanks for your concern. We're really fine, even better without him lor. Just that i don't know if i'm doing the right thing or not to let him bring Raeann home for one day every week. I don't wish to but everyone keep scolding me. They said i shouldn't deprive her rights cos no matter what, he's her dad.
But sometimes, they just don't understand how upset & angry am i to see Raeann getting more & more jialat. They always tell me it's her growing stage & she got influence from the school, which are loads of rubbish. COS Raeann is the naughtiest in her class & she's the one influencing people lor.
How to teach her when i'm the ONLY devil around? And everyone being the angels to give her whatever she wants? And she scream if she don't get the thing she wants? And when she scream, everyone give in to her? This is not the way man. Cos it will lead her to more screaming in future as she knows that ONLY she scream, she can gets whatever she want.
I'm tired of explaining all these to them. Really vomit blood.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Curry had never been in my list of favourite food. But becos canteen food sux, i ate curry mee today. And i regretted it so much!
Cos it stained 2 tiny dots on my yellow dress. Though it's only tiny dots but it's damn fucking obvious. And no matter how i wash, the stain can't seem to be remove. Sigh. I think gotta ask Mary to use color bleach on it. *sad*
I'm meeting darling shan for dinner & groceries shopping later! And chicken er er & scopion are coming over for mj session tonight! I had no choice but to find something to do since i had no choice but to let Raeann go back to CCK tonight.
Thanks all for the comments & advices.
Replies to tagboard :The day before i left Genting, i brought Raeann for shopping. I bought her a pair Nike sport shoes. It's damn cute & she loves it so much. It may cost a little expensive but what matter most is, she feels comfortable in it. :)
To Guest: Thank you! I will. :)
To Passer: Yeah. I don't think i ever need such a loser in my life.
To mommy: Thank you for your support. I know he don't deserve me at all. Maybe should i say, i don't "deserve" him? Nevertheless, i still hope he can find someone better lah.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
He had made up some wonderful story to cover himself for the reason of 'why he wanna hit me?' He told everyone it's becos i want to go out and meet guys & that's why he hitted me.
RUBBISH. I can swear this is totally not true!
On that bloody day, he claimed that he was very sick & scolded me for not looking after Raeann so that he could rest.
Ok then, i brought Raeann to the market to pack dinner for everybody including him.
When i reached home, about 45 mins later, he was chatting on the phone (as usual). So, i asked him to go & eat his food...
After dinner, his friend called. AND...
He told me he recovered already & he's going out!
WTF! Who wouldn't get angry?
I told him that he should be resting at home since he's very sick, so why is he still going out?
Then he scolded me lots of vulgarities & said that i'm very kaopei.
Alright then. I stopped talking & told him i wanna go out too.
I swear i did not call up anyone or intend to meet anyone. He knew it too cos my phone did not ring at all.
I just want to step out of the house for awhile to avoid quarrels with him cos i never like to quarrel in front of Raeann.
He got super agitated when i was about to change. He strangled my neck & hit my head/back against the wardrobe about 5 times. My bro came to stop but he still continue. He slapped me & i fell to the floor. He did all these in front of Raeann that frighten her so much & she refused to talk for one week!
Just tell me lor. What on earth did i do to actually deserve all these from him? Did i had an affair or something?
I did not want to blog or say about this cos i knew he's twisting the story again as to cover his own backside. So, why should i bother to argue? My conscious is clear & i don't owe anybody any explaination.
He can say whatever he wants. Make the whole world believe what he said but GOD is always there to see.
For everything that he had done, he doesn't deserve any more chance at all. No matter what he do, i'll never ever forgive him.