Monday, March 8, 2010


Slept at 3am last night & woke up 7am sharp this morning. Surprisingly, i'm not tired & sleepy. Insomnia monster is hunting me these 2 nights...

I don't understand why this world got such a person, always want to create troubles for NOTHING! (And always say i'm the one creating troubles instead.)

As you guys (might) know, i'm able to sign the divorce deed on this coming 24th...

And so, i smsed him, ask him to transfer me the money & to state my terms for divorce. I told him, i won't take a single cent from him, he just need to pay for Raeann's stuffs will do.

And a heated arguement arised when i mentioned i might be putting Raeann to the childcare nursery near my house from next year!

In fact, i've been struggling for 2 weeks regarding this matter. Cos there are alot of factors that i must consider.

1) If i put Raeann at childcare nursery, my aunt will have lesser income.
2) I'm worried about the proper care Raeann will be given at the childcare. I can work peacefully when i leave her with my aunt.
3) But the nearest nursery near my aunt's place is a church school, which i don't wish Raeann to attend cos we're not christians.
4) PAP is quite inconvenient for my aunt cos there's no direct bus there. My aunt's health is not that good & she can't walk for long now.
5) I need to do something to my career cos i'm alone now. I need to work hard, earn more money & buy a house to secure myself & Raeann.
6) I wanted to change job, so i need to put her at a place for my nearest convenience which i can send & pick her up at a more appropriate time suitable for my job.

What's wrong with putting Raeann at a childcare nursery? Why should he get so work up? I told him that he's still able to visit Raeann at the childcare what!

I explained to him why i need to do so... And his reply was... "I tell u we fight for her custody if u insist sending her to child care.". And he won't pay a single cent...

He said it's my problem & not his. And i'm selfish cos i only think for myself. Of cos i need to do that cos i'm the one sending & picking her up, not him!

And he said, since i got so much problems, why not give Raeann to him. So i can go find my bf, no need to think of her as my burden. And he said Raeann will be happier with him than with me. (Sure?????? Haha)

Since when i got a bf? And since when i say Raeann is my burden? Why he likes to put words into my mouth har? Always like to accuse me for nothing. I married him not to let him scold, accuse & hit for fun leh!

He said he won't lose becos he got evidences against me & all thanks to my blog. I wrote so much to prove what kind of woman i am.

Am i stupid? Or is he stupid?

If i dare to blog & show the public, would i be scare?

I really want to see what sort of evidences he will produce... If he's talking about going out when Raeann's not around or those pics i took with my guy friends, he better don't make a fool outta himself.

Which law says that a married woman can't go out har? And i dare to say i fulfill my duty as a mother. I only go out when he wanted to bring Raeann back to his house. I did not go out when Raeann's with me. Even if i did, i bring her along.

And which law says that married woman cannot take pics with guy friends har? It's just normal pictures with proper attire on. It's not as if he caught me going hotel 81 or on bed with a man.

我行的直, 站的正! There's nothing i'm afraid of.

If he insisted on fighting, i'm more than happy.

I did not apply for PPO becos i don't want to create trouble & make life difficult for myself. Applying PPO is very troublesome. And i thought, since already decided to divorce, i don't see a need for it. But anyway, i still can apply for it NOW! I withdrew PPO once & it's very easy to convince the judge that he's a violent person if i applied for it again using another police report.

I let him bring Raeann home becos i'm soft hearted. I don't want Raeann to be without a dad. And not becos i'm scare of the whatever so-call shitty evidences he had.

He kept thinking that it's a MUST i should let him bring Raeann home once a week becos he's paying her stuffs. It's NOT a must if i wanna be nasty. By law, he should pay for alimony even if he don't get to see Raeann again.

All along, i only want to settle everything in a calm & peaceful manner... I smsed him in a very calm way, even when he gets agitated, i still explain to him nicely. I still tell him that we're going to sign the deed soon, there's no need to provoke each other anymore. Let's end it in a happier way. 好来好散!

But all his replies can really make people boil. I was so fucking angry till i kept crying. I spoke to my mum, crying my heart out.

That's why i can't sleep these 2 nights. Cos i kept thinking that it's time for me to fight back now, make him pay back what he did to me.

I need alot of courage to do that cos i'm not a nasty person by nature. But sometimes, you just have to be nasty to nasty people. Being kind to others is being mean to thyself.

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