Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Only we can help ourselves!

I'm going into this topic "DEPRESSION" today...

Alright, before people say, "don't judge unless you have been through it", I'm (not proud) to admit that I've been through that difficult stage before, I know how it feels, so I'm in a right position to talk about it, I think?

What made me depressed that time? 

Becos I felt lost, I felt that I've ruined my own life, I have no idea what to do, I'm not prepared to be someone's wife & mother. Plus, there were some family issues going on as well, I couldn't take it. I felt unloved. I felt that nobody cares about me and I got myself into self-pity mode. (But I've never ever blamed my mum/family for anything.)

So, I complained everyday about everything. Nothing goes in my way. The more I complained, the more depressed and negative I get. 

What did I do? 

Knowing that I'm not in my usual self, I faced the reality that I was suffering from (pre to post-natal) depression. 

I told my mum, I went to google more about it and I searched for a psychologist. My mum went with me to Mount-E to seek treatment. 

What did the psychologist do? 

He didn't do anything except giving me tons of medications. Medicines to calm myself down, sleeping pills so that I can sleep better & prevent myself from thinking too much. 

The treatment went on for about 6 months and I must say that I burned a big hole in my mum's pocket. 

How did I snap out of it?

To be honest, the medications just helped to make me sleepy, it doesn't really help much, it depends mostly on myself. 

That period of time, I went out every Friday night when ZY brought Raeann back to CCK. I don't wish to be lonely, so I went out to party with friends. 

That's when I saw lots of different kinds of people. Many of them are facing problems and they got themselves wasted everyday. 

Then I felt that actually I'm not the worst. Everyone has their own problems, it's just how one look at it & solve it. 我学会看开. I don't want to spend my entire life seeking for & complain about the things I can't get.

I learnt how to cherish the things I have. In fact, I've more than what lots of people doesn't have, like family. 

I learnt how to see things lightly (and return to my happy-go-lucky old self). 

I learnt how to love myself more. 

I learnt what are the important things/people in my life, the rest are just "sprinkle on sundae" (quoted by Paul Walker! R.I.P). 

I learnt how to see only the good in people. 

I learnt to be very positive and face/get over every single issue lightly/fast. I blocked out all the negativity. 

When you're positive & happy, then all the positive and happy things will come your way! :)

What makes me happy now? 

IMHO, nothing can be more happier having a chat and joke around with family over food. Family are the most important people in my life. I feel happy when I see the people I love, healthy.

My family aren't those who are extremely concern or supportive kind. They're all along like that, I don't expect them to change their style becos of me, I know they care, they just don't show it.

Friends are important as well. But when friends decided to walk out of my life, I don't take it too hard anymore. I'll just tell myself, "it's okay, friends are just friends, I still have my family & they are the ones who will grow old with me".

Then now, I'm happy that I've gotta a part time job, doing something I love to do, all along - a blogger. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to brag or boast about how happy/good my life is now. I'm just trying to say that everyone will go through their own problematic stage, and only we can help ourselves to snap out of it!

Live happy or miserable, it's our own choice. 

We grow, our parents age.

I was quite (not very) a problematic teenage, I felt apologetic to my mum for giving her so much troubles when I was young.

Now that I've grown up, I'm trying my best to make my mum happy & spend more time with her. 


(I felt that I've got my karma becos my own kids aren't easy to handle now. Sigh)


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