Thursday, February 6, 2014

So guilty now!

Today, when I fetched Raeann from school, she came out looking very down, then she tell me very sadly "mummy, I'm not the chairman anymore."

I was thinking to myself, "omg, is it my fault?"

Cos I spoke to her form teacher yesterday (she called me due to another matter which has no link to this at all), asking how's Raeann coping in school? And she seems to be stressed over English, can she catch up? (In fact, her teacher said she's still okay, considered a borderline case!) Then I said that she's so proud of her chairman role and she wanna be a role model, that's why she's pushing herself so hard. (What I meant was, I'm happy that she's self motivated cos she wanna set good example for her classmates, as a chairman!)

Thinking that the teacher might have misunderstood my words (she probably thought I feel that the chairman role is too stress for Raeann), I SMS her immediately when we reached home. 

True enough, I guessed correctly, it's due to what I've said! :( 

Well, to me, being a chairman or not is not important at all. But to Raeann, it meant a great deal to her. She was so motivated and looking forward to go school everyday. 

And although she said it's okay, her teacher has already explained to her, but through her words and actions, I know she's really affected and upset deep inside. 

SHIT. I think I'm affected as well, becos I accidentally caused my daughter to be upset! :( 

And now, I can't help but to keep thinking "Will she be less obedient in future? Will she starts to give me problem in school? Will she slack?"

Not sure if she's tired or de-motivated, she fell asleep while doing her homework halfway. First time! 

And as if I'm not feeling guilty enough, ZY chided me for telling the teacher too much! I only meant well, wishing to know how's my daughter coping and is she facing any problem in school or not! Telling her teacher more cos I hope the teacher will be more patient with her! :( 

SHIT again. I screwed everything up! What can I do now to turn the table around??? I really hope she will get over it soon! 

...........

I guess, guilt is really taking over me, I felt like crying talking to ZY about Raeann earlier. He was saying that he don't know if putting her into this school is a right choice or not! Cos he felt that stress is snatching her happiness away! 

I TOLD HIM AND EVERYONE BEFORE...

That if I wasn't an ex student, I will not even consider this school. Becos when she's too stress, we will feel the pain and stress too, it will just come naturally, no matter how we avoid. 

Becos, just like what her student care teacher (also) said, Raeann puts her emotions in everything she do. She wants to be the best! Being the best in a popular school, is not easy. So when she can't catch up, she will give herself a lot of stress, she will be afraid and cry, cos she knows she can't be the best! (She pressurized herself so much till she slimmed down a lot!) 

Which is why, I stopped pushing and forcing her now. I'm afraid she will go crazy! 

Please be happy, my dear girl! 

4 comments:

  1. hi joanne!

    does raeann speak chinese at home? perhaps it'll help by speaking more english to her? bring her to library, go for plays, movies. cultivate her interest in eng? im not a mum, so maybe this is not the best method. but my mum brought me to library a lot in the past. :)

    em

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    1. Yahhh, she speaks Chinese at home. It's sort of a habit, that even when we try to speak English, somehow it will become Chinese unknowingly. Quite stress as we are not English background family!!

      I'm planning to sign her up for reading class, after she can recognise words, then I'll bring her to the library. Thank you for taking your time to comment! :)

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  2. Hi Joanne, my son is in p2 this yr. His kindergarten years are more play emphasized. They do not even have spelling though they do learn phonics.

    When he was in p1 he still couldn't really read a book on His own yet. the book i'm referring to is one short sentence per page kind. I took the kindergarten teacher's advice to start him w Peter n jane series. Until 4a, we gave up. A bit boring and drilling him like this make reading not fun at all.

    I also took the pri school teacher's advice to let start him on Sight words. Meaning each day learn 10 new words. Keep repraying until he rem the words. V tough But hv to persist.

    In p1 their school has learning program for weaker kids n he was in it. I also duno what really helped, somehow after he completed the first 300 sight words, one day I found him reading on His own. Tts abt 4mths into His p1 year.

    U can't imagine the joy I had. All the hard word paid off. N from then there's no return. He can read and he likes to read. I know some kids can already read those sight words when they are 4-5yo. And I know His peers are reading higher level books than him. But it's OK. Really. One day he will get there.

    Raeann is hardworking and motivated unlike my son. So in sure she will pick up much faster.

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  3. Omg, I finally know that I'm not the only one. I blamed myself for not doing enough for her when she was in K1/K2 cos likewise, her Kindergarden is more on play, no spelling only basic phonics (could they be attending the same Kindergarden?? Lol)

    These few days, we have been practicing words on her and it's really quite vomit blood cos she left ear in, right ear out, within split seconds. And yeap, I just received letter for her to attend extra English classes in school.

    Thank you for sharing your experience with me, I felt more relieve now! Can't wait for the day to see her starts reading story books, then I will feel your joy too! :)

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