Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I doubt myself!

Jumped up from my sleep at 4+am and can't get back to my dreamland. Watch how I die later.

Frankly speaking, I'm feeling very scare and a little emotional about stepping out of my comfort zone and leaving my mom alone. I'm so worried I'll screw things up, and I know that I'll be neglecting my family (kids) a lot.

(I'll try to accompany my mom for lunch during my free time!) 

But this is something I've been longing to do. And I'm not young anymore. I need to earn more to maintain what I have now. Living expenses are increasing over the years, and I can't stay stagnant anymore.

(Believe it or not, I've never ask for a salary rise before, for the past 10+ years, and I'm actually earning alot lower than what people thought!)

Yes, I did mention before, that I'm contented with my life, as long as I've enough to spend & etc, I'm happy.

But the fact that after buying a car, I don't really have much left. Not forgetting the kids' expenses and etc, I literally have no savings at all. 

I'm alone now, I do not have anyone to depend on, only money can give me assurance. I need to have spare cash for rainy days, not only for myself, but for my kids as well. 

I keep telling myself, "once and for all, either do or die". 

My boss replied "I trust you", and it makes me even more stress. He's entrusting a whole new company to me. Can I make it or not? This is an opportunity, and I can't let it slip away anymore. 

Have been thinking about work everyday and every hour. I really pray that everything will fall in place and get on track asap. 

I realised I've this problem... 

I doubt myself, and the decisions I made, always. But after awhile, I will be fine & happy. 

Like how I first felt uneasy about getting the car, but now, I totally love the car. Not becos I feel sut/proud about owning a BMW, but becos I felt I got a good deal. (And becos of it, I get a good opportunity too.) Everything happens for a reason. 

I actually asked around for Civic again, and I gotta know that a 2nd hand Civic depreciates about $12K per year now. And mine? Around $11K. 

(Maintanance wise no worries too, cos I'm covered warranty for all major parts; gearbox, compressor & etc!) 

That's how expensive owning a car in SG now. Even a normal Swift depreciates about $9K per year. Average depreciation about $10K per year for a Japanese car. 

Really thanks to this car, I LEARNT ALOT. And becos I knew more now, I can confidently argue with car dealers and make them tongue stuck. 

That's why I say, when I'm determined to do or learn something, I'll make sure I do it good. 

Just like my driving license, I was so determined to get it, and I got it within 4 months, first attempt, manual. I'm lucky! 

Luck plays a big part in life! I'm so thankful and grateful for everything. Please continue blessing me!!! Thank you God. 

(I was being asked, "why are you so high and happy everyday?" Hahahaha becos I'm happy lah. No matter what happened, life goes on, I choose to be happy. And I make people around me happy too, with my happy spirit! Spread joy mah!) 


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