Monday, March 2, 2015

I. CAN'T. SLEEP.

Too many things weighing on my mind now...

Family (kids)
 
Got a shock just now (at 10pm) when I saw the 2nd (whole) page of e-learning assignments' dateline is tomorrow, there are at least 15 of them. (She did those on page 1 first, which dateline is on 31st March, duh! I was careless not to see that there's a 2nd page!) 

I constantly nagged her for two days. But I admit, I'm not fierce nor pushy enough. And thus, she IGNORED me and continued watching her stupid minecraft. It's so freaking stupid cos she's the only one who knows how to appreciate, none of us know what is it all about! I think I'll throw away her iPad one day, really. 

Her attitude (towards people, herself, studies and everything) needs to change. Is there any course to attend? Cos if she don't change her own attitude, nothing I do will help. Enrichments and tutors will be useless too. Becos nothing will go into her head. 

And if she continues lidat, many fingers will be pointing at me, everyone will be arrowing me me me, only me. 

When I'm fierce and strict on her, people disciplined me, asked me not to be so pushy and talk to her nicely. When I talk to her nicely, she don't listen. So, tell me what to do? I really admit defeat. Why didn't anyone put themselves in my shoe? 

And they always blame it on my work. But, do I have the luxury not to work? Who will pay for all the expenses? I told Raeann just now, "I don't work lor, I'll stay at home to look after you all, let's all wait for $ to drop from the sky."

And if money don't drop, sorry, no tuition, no storybooks, no house, no car, no outside meals & no outings anymore. 

It's not that I don't spend time with the kids at all, just lesser than before, and they are giving me so much pressure. Many times, I just feel like resigning and stay at home, since they only want to see my face. 

Work

I need to show some results; get all the campaigns/projects running. My mood has been affecting my work, and I need to find back my focus again. 

Me

It's good to have someone to share all my happiness & sorrows with me. But it's no good when I don't have enough time and energy to give my attention to all. 

Maybe I'm just too used to be a Lone Ranger, too used to staying in my own little world with only my kids and myself. 
 
But I'm not giving up, yet. I'll try my best to work things out. 

Alright, I need to sleep now. Good night. 

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