Saturday, November 28, 2015

A day without stress!

Had a well spent Saturday with the kids, away from work, stress-less! The recent episode has caused a commotion in us. Confused, lost for words, anger, upset, and I don't know what else to describe. I hope things will settle down quickly and goes on smoothly from now on.

Kids; they are all born pure & innocent. No babies are born evil/cheats, isn't it? It's the upbringing and environment that made them what/how they are in the later phrase of their life. 

We, as parents, hold a great responsibility in what kind of adult they will turn out to be. But of cos, when they're already spoilt rotten, it's hard to discipline liao, and what you can do is to "hope" they will turn over a new leaf. Haiz... 

Personally, I don't pin any hope that my kids will "support" me in future. I mean, if they do, it's a bonus for me. But I do hope that they can be down to earth, honest and responsible for their own life. 

Whether they're able to find a good man, settle down and set up a family of their own, it's all fated. I'm really "open" on this, as long as the guy treats my girl good, even if he's poor, I'm okay. I don't look down on anyone, and I taught my kids not to look down on people too. 

Like I mentioned before - A rich man who is unwilling to spend his money/time on you VS A poor man who spends all his money and time on you, I'd prefer the latter. 

If he can shower you with expensive gifts & luxury lifestyle, but he's not around most of the time, he's probably in another woman's arm. I know I sound very bias here, but this is the reality. Marriage is too fragile nowadays, faithfulness is rare. Of cos, decent men still exist, just very rare. 

Anyway, as my girls grow up each day, it's easier to handle them when we are out now. Meimei can pee and clean herself, wash her hands etc. And Raeann do help out sometimes, when she's in good mood, lol. 

Becos I'm always out with them alone since babies, I can't help but to envy my own life now. I don't have to carry heavy bags, don't have to push a stroller, don't have to carry them, don't have to do a lot now. Most importantly, they listen. 

Like I brought them to market this morning, on the way walking home, they saw playground and asked if they can play awhile? I said "10 mins". But around 8 mins, Raeann called out "Mei, it's time to go home." And we walked home. I said Raeann can be really sensible and nice at times, right? (How nice if they don't have to attend schools, and we can lead kampong lifestyle everyday, haha!) 

And oh, the reason why we went market is, she said she wanna cook for me, ask me to bring her to buy ingredients.



We cooked these together! :)


And watched 'The Good Dinosaur' in the late noon! Guess what? Both girls sobbed. Hahaha 

The nonsense and anti-climate Meimei sobbed first. She was trying very hard to control her tears. It was shocking and funny lah. Impressed that she can understand the movie! When I knew she cried, I asked her why she cry? She denied and said "我留鼻涕", hahaha!
 
 
Still emo-ing after the movie, lol. Then before they sleep just now, they keep telling me about the movie! Meimei said she wants to watch again tomorrow. It's a nice cartoon, recommended, even B said it's nice. Imagine, cartoon leh. 

Raeann has been better lately, in terms of behaviour and attitude. Though I know she still secretly watched Minecraft, but she didn't ask for her iPad, neither gets jealous when Meimei can watch and she can't. She watched what Meimei was watching actually. They shared.

She did her tuition homework & took up a sudden interest in cooking. Well, she's not hopeless yet. She can still be disciplined properly, provided she stays (ONLY) within the family. Becos in order to do it, everyone must be very firm. 

I can't control anything if she goes to CCK. Cos I won't see/know what she's doing, I won't know anything. Hence, I'm going to be very firm on my stand from now onwards. She can still visit them of cos, but she cannot stay overnight. Under the custody's term, he has to bring her back before 12am. And if she refused to go, I'll not let her go. 

It's very sad that in order to please the adults, she has to do things against her own will. She already has a mind of her own, there's no point forcing her to do what she dislikes, it will only make her more rebellious and imbalanced. She has been asking "Why Meimei don't have to go, and why I have to go?" 

Meimei is never closed to them, so people will think it's "normal" if she refused to go. Raeann, on the contrary, didn't have a choice. 

So, in order to fill up this "hole", I've to do something about it. Planning to sign her up for classes on Sundays, learning something she likes, music or cooking. Need to search around & discuss it with her first. 

Thursday, November 26, 2015

【家】

Finally made the FIRST trip to our new house last Sunday morning. Becos I'm a pure Taoist, I believe in praying before doing anything, be it renovation or moving in.



I'm blessed to have my mum to help me with the praying cos I know nuts about it. Feel so surreal, I'm suddenly a house owner. But I'm probably the first not-very-excited house owner. 

Whenever people say or ask about the house, my typical answers will be "随便啦" or "ok lor". My friends advised me to check for defects, I asked B to help me.


The one and only thing I noticed is, THE ROOMS ARE FREAKING SMALL. The master bedroom is crap, it doesn't looks like a master bedroom at all. The toilets look big though! -.- Big enough to fit a bathtub, I think. 

Tell you all a personal secret. I prefer dark & cozy home. I don't like bright bright, so I don't like white color walls. Then I came across these on Hipvan yesterday...


Feeling of fear... Huh...


Hahaha ok red then!


Purple for kids' room? 


Orange is out, cos I'm not very skinny. 


Yellow seems the best!


No comment.


No offence but I really really hate green! But according to the Fengshui, green color brings me luck.


My block is painted in green. Meimei don't know where is the location of our new house, she always say "green color house". 

So, what's the next step? I haven't start my utilities yet! I need to ask for the list of qualified contractors. Where can I get the licence for hacking the walls? Walao. It's tmd 麻烦. 

Thank god for him. 

The man who loves me like a baby...

Who has an unique mind of his own. One who always insist his own way when he thinks is right even when the whole world misunderstand or go against him. Can't deny that some decisions he made are brilliant, but some, I don't really agree. However, I still supported him.

Unlike me, he's not a reactive person (only reactive to nonsense like, people looking at me, lol), he knows when to strike, when to lie low, when to be nice & when not to, etc. Many times, I can't understand what's he thinking or doing, and he don't explain, so we ended up in arguments. 

Me; given my strong personality, I'm not easy to handle, I know. My character is such that, even if I don't agree, at least you have to make me understand, else I won't do it willingly or probably won't even do it at all.

I'm definitely not a 小女人 lah! 

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

I wish you well.

These few days have been really exhausting, having to trace ALL the invoices (which is like 100++ of them), complete their SOA, chase for payments & going down to meet them to tally and clarify one by one.

All becos we met a great guy, who created packs of lies. Not gonna name him nor elaborate much. But I'm still in shock, literally. I've never met such a great liar before. It's so scary. 

But if he think he's doing the right thing and he can sleep well at night, I rest my case. 

Anyway.

 
Every customers ought to know this please. If you want it fast, we will ONLY rectify what you want us to do. The rest of the parts we won't do or touch. But if you come back another day, there will be another bill. (That's what others do, isn't it?) 

But if you want the overall to be good and safe, then please don't rush us. Becos, you are not the only customer leh. 

And if you think we're too expensive, then don't come to us. We only charge what we do. (We have many customers who came to us eventually, saying they went other workshop to change this and that, but when we took out, it's all old and worn out. If you get what I mean.) 

Some cars are able to use OEM parts, some cars are not. Becos when you use OEM, it will only solve the problem temporary, and it will lead to damages of other parts. (Therefore another bill?) 

We will make sure the car is okay before handover. If you come back the next day with the same problem, we will do it FOC. 

If you happened to passby both our garages, you will see we are packed with cars everyday. We don't wish to see you always leh. 

And if your car is under our warranty, the more we want it to be safe and sound, for your sake, also for our own sake. 

Truth to be told, garage is NOT our main core of business. We opened garages to serve our customers. We don't depend on garage sales to survive, so there's no need for us to cheat you with this little amount of money. 

Sometimes, I felt we're being too honest, and people want to take advantage. Haiz

It's like, you tried to help people save money for the long run, but they blamed you for being the bad guy instead. 好人难做! (Some people probably love to visit workshop and pay every month!)

We have encountered our warranty customers going to other workshop, and upon hearing they are under our warranty, instead of retifying their small problem, they advised them to "damage" it. BECOS ITS UNDER WARRANTY MAH. So it's okay. Not they pay what. 

Really? Is this the way to do business? By deliberately ruining others, so your business will get better? HA. Karma dude. 

That's why one of our clause is, "warranty can be voided if you choose to go other workshop." (It all depends on our mood and your attitude!) You may be smart, but we are not stupid. 

Monday, November 23, 2015

Crazily in love with...



THIS. No joke, I can finish one big pack in 2 hours. Very very additive. And thus...
 


I bought this!!! The very FIRST thing I buy for my new house; a cushion. Heehee

It's so cute, I cannot resist lah! 看了都想吃! *slurp*


I'm also very in love with this fatty! Even my mum also said she's fat, becos all her clothes become so tight/short, hahahaha!


It's blurred cos it's a quick shot. She's too fat to stand on one leg, cannot balance you know you know! LOL




Despite being called "fatty", she totally cannot be bothered, still continue eating as and when she likes. 

But I think I need to control her diet liao. This cannot go on. She will regret in future if she 一发不可收拾.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Walk-in Wardrobe


THIS.IS.PERFECT. I want a room to be converted to this. All the clothes, bags etc will be in it. And there will be a door connected from my room to this room. 

And this will be in the middle of my room and the kids' room. YES, I want them to share a room, becos they are sisters. I don't want them to have a room each at young age, which resulted each to lock inside their own room without talking to each other. 
 

And becos they don't need a wardrobe inside their room, they will have enough space each. 

Anyway, both of them love to sleep and squeeze with me so much, they will end up in my room for the first few years. 

It's not gonna be an easy job cos it requires hacking and such. And have to search for everything from scratch. Tiles... Doors... Wallpaper... Cabinets... etc etc! 

I'm blessed to have him around, to help me to think, search, decide & coordinate. I know nuts about renovation and I do not have any idea in mind. All along, I only want a walk-in wardrobe and the rest, I don't really care.

In fact, I don't even know how to see the floor plan and I've NEVER been there yet. I.simply.cannot.be.bothered. Haha 

On choosing something... 

Me: Aiya, u always say the thing/design I choose sucks. 

Him: Yah. I'm better. You see I choose you, and you choose me. 

Me: Oh yah hor. Yah yah yah. 

Hahahahahahahaha 

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

My pretty little girl...


Who doesn't look, behave and talk like a 4 years old, and is becoming a fatty, I'm indeed blessed to have you. Though you're so fierce & irritating sometimes, but your cheerful character and full of nonsense never failed to cheer people up!

Everybody loves her. But I'm not gonna praise her too much if not people will say I'm bias. In fact, I am not. 

B knows. He said I'm more patient and tolerant towards Raeann, but she's always pushing me to my limit. 

Meimei, on the contrary, she listens. So there's no reason for me to scold her? When she didn't, I lectured her too. 

Raeann always complain that I'm unfair. But little does she knows that, Meimei is the one I'm being unfair to. Raeann received so much more than her since birth. 

Till date, Meimei only travelled once, by plane. She doesn't have much toys/books, and is always playing with what Raeann threw aside, but she's mad happy and contented with it already. She wanted to learn music, but I don't dare to commit her cos of money & time. (I'm spending half of my salary to pay for all their things now.) 

But never once she complains or say I'm unfair. Probably she doesn't know yet lah. But I think she will understand if she knows.

I'll try to send them to music classes next year. Raeann is being grounded now, she can do her revision and assessment books, watch abit of TV, play some activities, but NO IPAD during her school holiday. No outing until December. I'm planning some programs for her in December, things she will love to do. 

Truth to be told, I love them both the same. And I'm trying very hard to play the role of a father and mother at the same time. It's tiring. 

Monday, November 16, 2015

Check and Cheques

Suddenly, I've become a "check" aka "cheque" queen. This become my favourite app for the past few days...


I login like 20 times per day to trace cheques. Not only that, I've turned my appointment chart into a cheque chart.

Becos we issued more than $100k of cheques out for the expansion. And we have more than $50k of payments yet to collect. So everyday, we have to keep track of the fund closely. 

Sorry, I don't like this job. It's very taxing and stressful. No payment = stress. Payment comes in = also stress cos have to make sure the fund is carefully utilised. 

But ever since I helped to check, B seems to be happier (and we've lesser arguments too). You know lah, MEN, how disorganised can they be. And I realised, most men doesn't have urgency when it comes to financial management. I scolded him that day. Lol

Not that I'm a pro in managing such (my mum is), but I think I'm more organised and detailed than him. I traced every single thing including unpaid invoices and payment. 

It's getting better though, and I know it will get better as days passed. EAC will definitely grow, stronger and stronger each day. In fact, our market has already widen up a lot. 

That's precisely why I've MORE work to do now. I'm not complaining hor.
 
Btw, Raeann managed to get promoted to P3. Phew! She said she's going to the 2nd last class next year. I was like, "oh ok, thank god u still can go P3". Her results are so horrible till I've no eyes to see. She's not stupid but just EXTREMELY lazy. 
 
 
Frankly speaking, her performance in school is totally different from how she is at home. Her teacher keeps in touch with me quite often. And every single time, she said that she's a pleasure to teach.
 
 
I will be like, "huh, are you serious?" I'm not doubting my own daughter but I simply know her too well. But I know she loves and respect this current form teacher a lot, so it could be the reason why. I sent her teacher a "thank you" message earlier. I'm grateful, very. 

I hope she can buck up as she grows older, it's for her own sake and not anyone else. I don't ask for much, just a "passed" will do lah. 

I don't need her to get good grades or top in her class/school. I'm not at all pushy or kiasu when it comes to this. I don't compare, and don't believe in having good grades or being a top student will guranteed you a bright & happy future. I'd rather she be average, simple, kind and happy.  

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

11/11 A Day to Remember

Let's call for a celebration! Becos... TODAY IS HAPPY SINGLE DAY!!! Yay! I'm just kidding. Becos I collected my HDB keys today.

 
Like finally, a sense of relieve, one load off my mind. I don't have to worry about my income, CPF and loan anymore!!! Renovation wise is okay, I can take as many years as I like to renovate and fill up the furniture. I don't care and don't bother. I even have plan to leave it as it is, bare and empty, just leave it to rot lah. Maybe one day it will grow mushrooms??? Haha

Le' bf, on the contrary, is very happy and excited for me. He wanted to settle the reno for me, while he puts me in charge of all the furniture. Can I just leave everything to him? Cos I don't want to interfere. He can do whatever he likes. 

Anyway, just to clarify, in case people misunderstand, he's not eyeing for my flat, he don't need to and don't have to. I shall not elaborate further.

And well, the flat is mine. I didn't owe anything to anyone. I paid up what I should & took over it lawfully. A $13+k deposit and a wipe out of $90k from my CPF today. Gotten a loan amount of $170k from HDB and gotta slave for the next 30 years. 

Anyway, I read Naomi Neo's blog today.

It's been a long long time since I last visited anyone's blog. Nowadays, blogs are too commercialised, so I sian. 

I found something she wrote which I can't agree more... 

"However, I guess like any other relationship, everything starts to fall apart the moment you love - because inevitably, expectations start coming in, your emotions are heightened and everything that was once a privilege becomes a need."

The start of every relationship is not love and thus, there won't be any expectations, neither any commitment. Things you do for your partner are privileges.

But the moment you love and get committed, just like what she said, inevitably, expectations start coming in, your emotions are heightened and everything that was once a privilege becomes a need.

Haiz...

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Pekchek

Someone received her test result and is apparently VERY HAPPY about it.

Math: 79/100 
English: 11.5/25 (and she said failed by half mark only what!) 
Chinese: 5.5/40 (simply cannot be bothered at all.) 

And so, I'm banning her from iPad from today onwards. No iPad throughout the whole holiday. I kept it already. 

Her tutor also don't know what to do with her liao. Too fierce, she rebel. Too nice, she bargain. Read the conversation below...



Her attitude and mindset are totally wrong! She thinks that people will forever be around to help and protect her. She thinks that people will tolerate all her nonsense forever. It's crap.

Yes, I might be busy at work now. But I do monitor her. I chat and discuss with her tutor often, on how to deal with her. You see, she's those who chut many many many patterns when it comes to studying. So we need to come up with even more ideas.  


It's really stressful to have such a kid, I ran out of idea to deal with her already. She has no idea how she made others' life so difficult. Becos of her, I always get blamed for being a bad mother, no matter how much effort I put in. 

I actually put in more effort on her than Meimei. I don't have the time and energy to bring Meimei for piano or other enrichment classes at all, but she has them all. However, she doesn't cherish, gave up everything halfway. It's very tiring to bring her to all these classes. She will cry, whine and fuss around when she started to get bored of the lesson. 

I knew the divorce has somehow affected her life. That's why I've been extra tolerant towards her.

I don't give a damn to what people think or say about me though, as long as they don't say nonsense to my kids. But I'll get so affected when she don't appreciates what I/others do for her. She takes everyone & everything for granted. 

Sorry, but nobody owed you a living, my dear. People tolerated and nagged at you becos they love and care for you. Love is not giving you whatever you want. Love is disciplining & guiding you to be a proper person. If you're going to carry this attitude & mindset forever, you will suffer in future. 

No, she's not a bad kid, and I still love her very much. She can be real sensible, nice and good at times. But when she's not, she really gets on people's nerves.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Anders is turning ONE!

My goodness. How time flies. Anders has grown so much...

From this.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
To this. Happy birthday dearest little Anders. You're so loved by all of us!


Be good, safe and healthy always! :) 

Friday, November 6, 2015

Going insane to stay sane!

 
Everyone's soul don't know go where liao. I've never been this stress in my entire life. Working here made me older. There are new things to do, think & worry about everyday. That feeling... I have no word to describe at all. 

I do understand that every job has their own different kind of stress. But "this" is not the type of stress I wish to cope. It's a killer. 
 
好累好累。
 
My poor baby is facing 100x more stress than me! :( Everyone and everything is pouring on him. 
 
You know the problem when there are too many (wrong) decision makers and people who only know how to complain. Sigh
 
All in all, I feel that not everyone has the ability to be a leader. A leader must use brain more than mouth. A leader needs to know how to prioritise and solve problems. A leader cannot be nice to everyone, end up landing the company into trouble. A leader must know when to take a risk and when not to. A leader cannot beg employees or customers. A leader must have that "air" to let people trust and respect you.
 

 
I miss the old us in fact. The not so exhausted & lesser worries us. The us who have breakfast every morning. The us who are so loving that everyone envied. 

I seriously hope this will be over soon. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

In need of happy pills!

 
Not to self.

Hi, I think I slimmed down, finally! :) I'm so mentally and physically tired till I can doze off anytime now. 

EAC is tearing all of us apart, lol. From nothing, "borrowing" a place from others and got chased out, facing attitudes and criticisms, to now, we have everything. All within a few months! So proud of EAC! 

But nothing comes easy, you know? How much effort & hard work we put in, sleep & time we sacrificed, nobody knows. Everything is causing us so mentally depressed, becos we barely have time for ourselves. There was a period of time when I was there everyday, Monday to Sunday. I brought the kids along. That's how much I am devoted to it.

"Tough time don't last, tough people do."

But lately, I realised that I'm not as tough as I thought I will be. I became so short tempered, easily irritated by little things, and I feel like giving up at many point of time. 

I told B I'll start looking for a new job becos we started to drift apart due to disputes from work. We see and handle things differently, and thus causing arguments. 

No, don't get me wrong, we still love each other, we do. But the overwhelming work made both of us very exhausted and hot tempered. 

He doesn't want me to work outside becos he's worried I'll meet other better man. Meeting others is inevitable, but holding on to our love is a choice, my choice. I must say it really takes a lot for him to say yes. He wants me to be happy. I appreciate his understanding. 

Although I feel sad and can't bear to leave behind the things I painstakingly set up, but I cherish our relationship even more, I don't want it to deteriorate further. (Unless our relationship can improve, otherwise, I think it's not worth risking it.) 

But I promised him that I won't leave until I find another job which I really really love. I've started hunting already. Wish me good luck! 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Black x Red x Chrome Heart

TADAH!!!


My new nails! Swee bo? This time round, I requested for this design with a photo I saw online but modified abit. Totally heart it to bits. Thanks Pink Nail Studio; Esther and Jennifer! :) Thanks mummy for helping me to take this photo!!!

Today, I was at the coffee shop alone, while waiting for Esther. The kopi Aunty came and talk to me. She asked if I am working in any beauty line? As a beautician? Or? I said none of such. She said I look like one, cos my skin is so beautiful. (Thank you, I ish flattered lah!) 

I told her I don't do facial becos I don't have time for it. And I'm kinda scare about facial products cos my skin is sensitive. So she said I'm born with beautiful skin, with minimal makeup I can look pretty, I said I've to thank my mum for it. 

Maybe it's time to change job, lol. 

-----

As a cancerian, it's my nature to be protective of people and things I love. And therefore, I get very upset and affected when someone tried to make use of it. I don't know how people can be so scheming, cheap and cunning? 

Given my character, I'd have shamed them publicly, along with all the facts and evidences. I'm upset that I'm unable to retaliate, and watch them do it happily. 

I know I won't be able to put in 100% from now on, becos our effort is being credited by others. It's just like I do all the work, and you gained the credit. FUCK YOU. Do you think I'm a pushover every time? Becos I'm being asked to give in all the time? 

Maybe I'm being personal. But you cannot blame me for being personal. Becos when I was nice, nobody was nice to me. You made me the way I am now. It's okay. I will take it as a charity to you and wash my hands off everything. I will not react to anything anymore.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

小幸运


 
Not a movie fanatic but a real sucker for such Chinese love movie. Just like 那些年,我们一起追过的女孩, I watched about 2643859 times and still didn't get sick of it, lol.
 
Went for this movie last evening. Raeann sobbed crazily (got a shock cos walao she's only 8 leh, watch movie and cry so badly, haha), I sobbed abit, lol. Meimei was, haiz, so anti-climate. When everyone was starting to get emo, she asked, '"can we go home now? This show is so boring."  "Is it going to end soon?" etc etc. B kept laughing at us!!!
 
Actually, this movie didn't let me have any flashback or recollection. Nothing of such happened to me before. I sobbed cos I was touched by what the man did for her, secretly.   
 
Now, I'm totally addicted to this song. I want to learn how to sing!
 
Going for some wine now. Till then.

I've two very weird daughters. One dressed herself up with plenty of (plastic) jewelleries, another one combing her hair like rockstar now.