Friday, November 11, 2016

Ok bye!

No, really, this wasn't planned. I don't even know what's happening, lol. 被骗上 chuan.

The two very expensive coconuts. Lol $50 ok! 

I feel like... booking air ticket again. Strong urge to do so. If I don't have kids, I think people can hardly see me in SG. Lol I'd probably get a job overseas, or a job that requires me to fly often.

Hanor. So many things in my life come and go unplanned. The problem about me is, I cannot have a plan, it will always get screwed up. And I'll end up in disappointments. It happened so many times, until I'm scared. 

Which is why I choose to travel impromptly now. Like I feel like going, book and go lor. Don't need to ask or plan, just need to inform and arrange for my kids. Of cos, must be 自动 lah. If not ah, think my mum will kill me. 
Sometimes hor, I felt that life is really unfair lor. That day, the two kids who can never cooperate or give in to each other drove me crazy. One want this, the other want that, at the same time, machiam want me to split into two pieces like that. Then my work has to be pushed to attend to them one by one.
Then ah, if I get caught up with work and late to pick meimei up, wah, I kena niam like shit, BY MEIMEI.
This life is tiring, to be honest. I was complaining to my mum, why everything is me me me? Kids aren't mine alone. Their father never pay, nobody say him. Their father never care about them, nobody say him. Their father never do anything, nobody say him too.
Yes right. Custody belongs to me. But it doesn't mean that everything has to fall on me alone. I'm the only one supporting both of them, looking after them, attending to all their nonsense, but it's never enough, for them.
Just becos I've been the one doing, then when I didn't do for one time, I machiam commit big offence. I cannot go out, becos I'm a mother. I cannot do this, I cannot do that, becos I'm a mother. How about the father?
Want me to spend all my time with them ah? Can lor. Pay for all their expenses then. The amount of money I earned with proper timing is enough to support myself. Why do I have to work extra hard? Becos he didn't pay a single shit, since long ago.
Do I have a choice not to work, hard?
Don't see any meaning in my life, at all. To a point, I feel like giving everything up, and just leave. I'm not kidding, I'm very very very tired.
Seriously, I've no idea how much more I can take it. 有时真的很想死,因为那才是真正的解脱。

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